today marked the day...
the very first time i was hit in the face by a guy.
he hit me.
{&Dare to VS me?-}
8:06 PM
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fcuk these so called friends!
my beloved papa left us.
and when im at my weakest....
those so called close friends... were never really there.
yes, i may have alot of friends.
but so what?
i envy how my brother's buddy would never fail to come
or at least drop by at the wake, every night.
a buddy like him, one would be enough.
but as for me...?
i dont even have.
i wont take 'working' as a good reason.
how long u work a day? 20 hours?
my brother's buddy has got his own work to do too.
but its about time management and the true heart to come or not.
especially to those friends
whom i know i would be there for them if it was the other way round,
and now i realised, i was just too stupid to think that way.
coz they never think like how i think for them.
they dont make friends with their true hearts.
i always make friends with my true heart yet THIS is how they treat me.
my heart died.
seriously, it just died.
no one feels how i feel now.
it's even worse than breaking up in a relationship.
and its not only just 'they not being there for me'.
what's worse?
there were people telling me..
"rain, u ok? im comin down tomoro night. i'll be there when u need me."
and all these bullshit.
in the end? i fking waited and expected.
they never came.
NO SHOW. NO NEWS. just like that.
can u imagine?!
there are heartless people like them who even have the heart to PLAY ME OUT at my dad's funeral wake when im at the weakest part of my life??!!!
我真的看透了。。
i wont rely on any FRIENDS anymore.
stop acting like you care... with just WORDS.
i rather be by myself now.
all by myself.
remove me from your list.
i dont exist anymore.
im no longer the same old bubbly girl u once knew.
{&Dare to VS me?-}
12:46 PM
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God saw him getting tired
And a cure was not to be,
So He put His arms around him
And whispered “Come with Me.”
With tearful eyes we watched him suffer..
And saw him fade away.
Although we loved him dearly,
We could not make him stay.
A golden heart stopped beating,
Laying loving hands at rest.
I hope Papa is in a better place.
{&Dare to VS me?-}
1:14 PM
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enough of playing with my heart? no?
is he of 2 personalities?
he can change into another person within a day.
or was he drunk?
he never meant his words.
i fking hate my life right now.
especially having to face him and then put on fake masks.
i seriously never like doing this.
i rather having friends all around, no specific person i should put on an ACT.
he chose to leave me all alone now.
lies about healing me.
lies about realising he was wrong.
lies about he realising i should never be treated that way.
and then? what's next?
is he THERE to change my life back to the normal me?
is he there to help me overcome my sufferings?
even if we're not meant to be,
is he RESPONSIBLE ENOUGH to be there to hold me up til i get over him?
NO.
he hurt me, played with my feelings, cheated on me,
and just, dumped me aside.
like how irresponsible parents throw their child away and act like they dont know them and dont care about how his/her life is.
yea. that's how SELFISH he is.
that's how IRRESPONSIBLE he is.
just look at what he's doing right now.
this part of him will NEVER change.
he NEVER treated me truly with his heart.
it's all just WORDS.
and actions are done OPPOSITE.
yea liked i said, i'm born to be played around.
im born to be cheated and used.
u left me, and THEN when u're lonely, u called me and apologized.
saying how u wanted to be by my side and make me happy again.
I THOUGHT U REALLY MEANT IT.
I THOUGHT FOR ONCE U WILL TRY TO HOLD ME UP.
and i thought within this period with u by my side,
i might be able stand up on my own and getting over all this pain.
but i was wrong AGAIN.
you just DUMP ME ASIDE AGAIN.
now u have your friends, u dont need ME anymore.
and every word u said were taken back.
your friends HATE me.
your FRIENDS told u to IGNORE ME.
and GIVE UP ON ME.
and u do as they say like a dog.
and acted like NOTHING HAS HAPPENED.
thanks for USING ME.
and PLAYING WITH ME this much.
u NEVER have a heart.
u ARE inhuman.
becoz if u aren't, u'll really FEEL me.
and wont do ANYMORE SHIT TO ME.
but u were never enough.
u wanted to play more.
acting liked u care.
acting liked u realised u were so wrong.
acting liked u will change for good.
acting liked u will be there to heal my pain.
and when i start to talk to you again,
u DUMP ME ASIDE AGAIN.
seriously, u are the FIRST guy in this universe, that would hurt a girl THIS much.
and what's worse, u NEVER turn back.
u have NO RESPONSIBILITY.
hope u're better off without me.
{&Dare to VS me?-}
5:46 PM
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it's so easy to love you. yet it's so hard to try not to love you.
u walked out on someone great.
someone who could've made u feel blissful for the rest of your life.
the true love that many guys would reach for.
the kinda love for u that will never change for someone else.
u walked out on her.
so many times i've loved you, more than myself.
it's time to take that love and put it on the shelf.
{&Dare to VS me?-}
6:01 PM
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hurt me more. that's what your best in doing.
thanks for always treating me like shit.
not to even say about cherishing me and feeling guilty for hurting me.
u NEVER felt bad.
coz u NEVER treat me better.
i dont exist in your life anyway.
u ONLY care about YOURSELF.
yea and now your the one deleting OUR photos. well done.
i can obviously see what u're trying to do.
getting rid everything about ME and US.
and there'll be a chance for YOU and HER.
go ahead.
why JUST delete our photos in your profile pic album?
might as well delete ALL OUR PHOTOS.
and GO BACK to her.
that's what U WANTED. u said it yourself before.
i dont wanna be stupid anymore.
being by your side trying to make u happy everyday,
stupidly hoping there'll be a chance for us.
but now u're proven where i really stand.
im just.... NOTHING.
after hurting me and pissing me off, u can still DO MORE SHIT and delete OUR photos.
u want my forgiveness? by doing MORE SHIT TO HURT ME?
seriously, u're just a jerk.
PURPOSELY TRYING EVERY WAY to hurt me, and nothing more.
I HAD ENOUGH.
if u dont love me,
if u dont wanna treat me better being an ex-boyfriend who've let down your ex-gf,
just go away.
i DONT NEED you to hurt me.
after EVERYTHING i've fking done for you.
all u EVER DO is to hurt me, hurt me, HURT ME.
go ahead. delete ALL our photos.
what for putting up our so-called lovey dovey album but set it private from public?
just delete everything about us.
and might as well delete ME.
from your fb and real life.
go BACK to "WHERE YOU BELONG". that's what they say.
take it as i never exist anymore.
*disheartened*
{&Dare to VS me?-}
8:25 PM
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the days without you is just so difficult.
you're really hurting me alot. alot...
how i wished, the time would stop at those moments when we were still together, laughing and having fun out of every little thing everyday...
but that was not what u wanted.
everyday, i woke up....
everytime, when im awake.....
and i bet even every night in my dreams.....
knowing in my heart that u're no longer mine to hold....
knowing that im no longer the one u miss and worry.....
knowing that whatever im doing now is all just one sided....
it's really killing me inside out.
my heart never ache like this before.
even though u said u still love me,
even though u said u'll still be by my side,
even though u said i can look up to you about anything, anytime...
but why do i not feel that...?
all i feel is,
u dont miss me, coz u no longer look up to me that much.
and that im the one wanting to stick to u even if u dont want me anymore. =(
it really hurts.
this
this THIS much.
i wished i can rewind time and pause at our happiest moments.
im just hoping for that very day when u would love me all over again.
please show it and prove it to me, and make me feel it, when the time comes.
please make it as.... asap.
the day when u'll come back
and hug me tight,
hold my hand,
and never let go...
ever again.
{&Dare to VS me?-}
8:42 AM
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after everything....
everything......
happiness....
fight....
tears...
and most of all, our laughters...
after i've been so serious and commited this much....
every effort i've put in...
just to make him happy...
just wanting to be the girl he wanted...
just wanting to be the best girlfriend...
and this.
is all.
i get.
im really tired.
trying to do my best in relationship.
but im never treated what i deserve.
i guess i should just turn everything around...
and be someone i never thought i would be...
since being myself, still couldn't occupy his whole heart.
everything i did couldn't touch his heart and
make him realised how much i love him.
im really tired.
please take all these away.
i wanna be somebody else.
{&Dare to VS me?-}
6:33 PM
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never let me go again....
i really really wished we could start all over....
and that u would commit more...
treat me better better....
dote on me more....
cherish me...
& love me more.....
i dont see any picture of us being apart.
all im seeing is you & me, being happy together.
work. being tired.
yet still being loving towards each other.
if u love me, never let me go, no matter what.
thats all i asked for.
*hugs* sobx.
{&Dare to VS me?-}
10:29 AM
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i had never ever, in my life, being treated and fooled, this way.
now im suffering from this pain.
the kinda pain.....
when u've been planning this big surprise for the one you love...
even if it costs quite alot....
putting in all these effort....
JUST wanting to surprise him and see him happy...
and when that very day is just ONE day away.....
he tore me apart.
betrayed me.
saying about how bad i've been.
and never a good thing about me.
i just found out that....
he's actually been planning to leave me.
he's just waiting for the right time.
he's just waiting for the opportunity when i would fight with him again and he'll use that as a bridge to accomplish his plan.
the plan.... of leaving me.
can u understand and FEEL my pain right now?
when all i had in mind these days
were doing things for him just to make him happy.
but all he had in mind was..... how to leave me.
i thought he was so true when he said.....
"he WONT EVER LEAVE ME AGAIN. that would be the LAST TIME.
he will NEVER EVER want to leave me again."
and i always believed his words naively like a little girl
who would forget how he've always hurt me and start all over again, anew.
but once again, i was fooled again.
on the outside, u acted like u're bringing me to heaven.
but on the inside, u just wanted to tear me apart. again n again.
thanks, for betraying me.
thanks, for fooling me once again.
thanks, for never being true to what u always say.
all u need.... is just a companion. just a girlfriend.
not ME.
im never the one u loved.
becoz if i am, u wont ever treat me this way.
i bet u're glad now.
u've proved, u would never fail to break me apart.
yea, u're the man. u won this game.
i was just being a noob or free frag all this while.
{&Dare to VS me?-}
3:08 AM
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