2004. A teenager at 17.
The girl was pure, unwounded.
She met her first Chinese boyfriend in her first private institute.
Days later, it was CNY.
He invited her to his house to pay New Year call to his parents.
She agreed. remembering that "guy who would bring his girlfriend home to meet his parents is serious about her."
She went. but no one was at home.
She asked, where's your family?
He rushed her into his room and started touching her.
She freaked out.
She stopped him & ran away.
Her mum called him up and scolded him.
He then quitted school.
the class thought that she played with his feelings for a week and ditched him. and he quit because he was hurt by her.
2007. She was 20.
She thought she found someone mature, and loved her.
But a week later,
his girlfriend called her.
She then realised, she was 2-timed.
She cried the night.
That's when she learnt that...
Cheating really exists.
2008. She was merely 21.
Long Distance Love.
Raped by her own boyfriend.
She was crying & struggling on bed,
he forced, and even smiled
when he realised he popped her cherry.
Her parents didnt believe her.
and said she's partly at fault.
It kills her. deep inside...
He always compared her to other girls
and even suggested that she should go for plastic surgery.
And she did.
One day, he emailed from miles away and said,
his ex came back to him. Sorry.
2009. Another LDR.
The over possessive boyfriend took control of her life from miles away.
Til the state that,
She could'nt go out with friends
He would log into her FB
and delete anything he doesn't like.
Til the state that,
He private messaged her friends and scolded them.
This hit her.
She lost friends.
She yelled. She screamed.
She hurt her parents with the state she had became.
She went insane.
2010. She turned 23.
This guy said he would help her forget her ex,
who made her agitated with his acts.
Just after 3 weeks being together,
He started cheating,
with his ex-girlfriend.
She's not stupid. She knew.
But she's tired of finding a new relationship.
So she kept on holding on and lying to herself.
This went on, 10 months...
Pregnancy test. Positive.
He said he would go through everything with her.
His solution: Abortion.
His reason: Not ready yet. No savings. baby will suffer.
She did what he insisted.
A week later, he went back to his ex again,
and asked her to sign up HDB with him
and go ROM together.
Her heart sank. She gave up. at last.
It took her 4 months,
to get over everything.
2011. He came back.
Knowing that because he failed to chase back his ex, he came back to her.
Yet knowing that she was just a 2nd option, she still accept him back.
This time, things were better than the previous year.
Until 1 and a half year later,
he cheated again.
S$100 for a China prostitute.
He was never Sorry. He was cold.
She was devastated.
She gave up once again.
But she got worse.
No trust. Fear. No confidence.
2013. This year.
The guy who used to be there for her since 3 years ago...
appear in her life again.
She felt most loved.
He did things she least expected
and made her heart beat again.
He was everything she has been looking for
but things changed.
From a prince, to a beast.
From tender love, to harsh and hurtful words.
From loving care, to violence.
She's traumatised.
She loves him.
But she has to live in fear now.
Perhaps she killed the love she has been looking for all her life...
Why is she born into this world
to suffer this much?
When she needed love most,
she get the opposite in return.
Now she lives in pain.
God, please take her away.
Or give her the strength to take her own...
Please.........
It's breaking up inside.
{&Dare to VS me?-}
5:11 PM
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Stop hitting me. Stop hurting me.
Can you see the walls crumbling,
Hear the shrill screams
Escaping my bloody lips
As I twist the knife in my stomach?
Can you see the fear in my eyes,
Did you feel the pain in my heart.
The bruises & scars all over my body,
To you it's stupidity.
But, it's just too much i can take.
You hurt me. You hit me.
To feel pain emotionally & physically,
I lose control. I couldn't hold anymore.
Do you feel sorry & try to calm me,
Or you just blamed me for being noisy.
My mental suicide going unnoticed.
Do you feel my icy breath
Upon your warm neck
In one last intimate embrace;
My tears flow smoothly.
My heart breaks once more
As I let the pain take me slowly,
Away from this world i don't belong..
Watch me as I die
In this life,
There is only so much I can handle,
And I am past my limit.
{&Dare to VS me?-}
12:42 PM
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fcuk these so called friends!
my beloved papa left us.
and when im at my weakest....
those so called close friends... were never really there.
yes, i may have alot of friends.
but so what?
i envy how my brother's buddy would never fail to come
or at least drop by at the wake, every night.
a buddy like him, one would be enough.
but as for me...?
i dont even have.
i wont take 'working' as a good reason.
how long u work a day? 20 hours?
my brother's buddy has got his own work to do too.
but its about time management and the true heart to come or not.
especially to those friends
whom i know i would be there for them if it was the other way round,
and now i realised, i was just too stupid to think that way.
coz they never think like how i think for them.
they dont make friends with their true hearts.
i always make friends with my true heart yet THIS is how they treat me.
my heart died.
seriously, it just died.
no one feels how i feel now.
it's even worse than breaking up in a relationship.
and its not only just 'they not being there for me'.
what's worse?
there were people telling me..
"rain, u ok? im comin down tomoro night. i'll be there when u need me."
and all these bullshit.
in the end? i fking waited and expected.
they never came.
NO SHOW. NO NEWS. just like that.
can u imagine?!
there are heartless people like them who even have the heart to PLAY ME OUT at my dad's funeral wake when im at the weakest part of my life??!!!
我真的看透了。。
i wont rely on any FRIENDS anymore.
stop acting like you care... with just WORDS.
i rather be by myself now.
all by myself.
remove me from your list.
i dont exist anymore.
im no longer the same old bubbly girl u once knew.
{&Dare to VS me?-}
12:46 PM
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God saw him getting tired
And a cure was not to be,
So He put His arms around him
And whispered “Come with Me.”
With tearful eyes we watched him suffer..
And saw him fade away.
Although we loved him dearly,
We could not make him stay.
A golden heart stopped beating,
Laying loving hands at rest.
I hope Papa is in a better place.
{&Dare to VS me?-}
1:14 PM
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i no longer believe true love exists.
even if it does, it won't last.
i should learn to pull myself away from love.
been loving my other half wholeheartedly.
but in the end? i'm always the one getting hurt. and abandoned.
guys. will always be guys...
maybe thats the reason why many girls choose money over love.
{&Dare to VS me?-}
9:09 PM
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i'm Thalassaemia-free. ^-^
{&Dare to VS me?-}
11:30 PM
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perhaps it's true that GOOD man has a shorter life.~
god. buddha. or whoever above, watching over us.
please..... dont take away papa from me.
no no. not now.
he never had good life.
he's been working so hard for us.
all along, he is the sole breadwinner in our family.
without him, it will be a sudden loss..... of almost EVERYTHING.
and i haven't grown up. as in.... to be independent enough.
to support the family. and home.
im like a Daddy's Lil Girl....
i really cannot imagine my life without him.
he's only 56.
there's soooo many things he has yet to accomplished and fulfilled.
work, company, money, etc.
he believed that the company he set up for 15 years
wont stand tall if he's no longer around.
he most worried about the home. family. and me.
god, buddha, allah, lord, whoever from above.....
if there is really a need to bring someone back from earth....
and if u're aiming my dad now,
please take me, take me instead...... and not my dad.
without him, our lives' gonna change alot, alot.
but without me, everything still goes on.
or at least..... give him more more MORE time!
i know that witnessing my marriage is one of his biggest dream...
especially seeing me getting married to a good man,
who will love me, dote on me, & never bully me.
he would den be able to rest his heart, and not to worry about me.
please... make miracles happen....
i prayed... it's not getting worse......
i prayed... it's all not true......
please..... let him stay....... T_T
{&Dare to VS me?-}
4:51 PM
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my tolerance of senseless nonsense is limited.
LOL?
i was called STUBBORN
for having enough of one's unreasonable attitude.
[which not only me feels so]
well well well...........
i dun wanna be treated like a fool again.
im outta here.
{&Dare to VS me?-}
9:21 AM
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我累了。。。
{&Dare to VS me?-}
9:16 AM
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feel like killing myself slowly
i doubled all my medications intake.
i overdosed myself last night.
don't ask me why.
im my own worst enemy.
{&Dare to VS me?-}
9:16 AM
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